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The End of Restless Sleep - Ch. 5

Chapter 5: Thunders in blue sky.

I took grandma for the trip. We returned few days after Durga puja. After returning, I joined my work place. Every evening whenever I returned, I used to stop by the bus stand near her house. I bore a faint hope that I might see her somewhere. I did not have the courage to make a call to her house. Every moment seemed to be very void to me. I missed her on the pillion of my bike, I missed her touch on my back and I missed her sweet smile.

One evening when I was taking dinner, Grandma asked me as why I was so absent minded. I tried to avoid her question by answering that I had some problems in my job.

“That is not the truth, Adi. Your eyes are depicting pain. You have not spoken to Anoushka for a long time, right?” She asked me.

It was hard to conceal pain from my beloved grandma’s eyes; I was caught red-handed. I nodded my head that she was right.

She ruffled my hair and smiled, “I want to meet her and can you bring her here?”

“Grandma that is not possible in a thousand years. Her father is very strict person and very closely guards his dignity and prestige.” I tried to persuade her in a calm voice.

She asked me, “Have you spoken to her about your feelings yet?”

“No grandma” I said in a low voice, “We both know that our future is unsure.”

She shook her head, “Hmm... We all live in society and the higher up you are in the society, higher is your risk to lose your dignity. Her father fears that what the society will say about. I can understand that very well.”

“What can I do?” I asked her.

She expressed her dismay, “If you both stay near to each other then there will be only pain and nothing else. You have to go away from Kolkata, Adi. Out of sight out of mind. I will speak with Deb to find you a job in Durgapur.”

“So you mean that I leave you, again?” I gave a painful look at her “I can sacrifice thousands of such love for you.”

She soothed my hair and persuaded me, “Adi, try to understand. I may be here for another year or so, you have started your life. You have to make your choice now. You have to be strong enough to brace the fact that you are going to lose her or you have to be strong enough to face his father. In both the case, you have to show your courage. Choose your path wisely, Adi.”

That night was painful for me. I was unable to sleep for the whole night and kept tossing on the bed. I kept on creating permutations and combinations of our relation and our future.

I knew from the bottom of my heart that she loves me but due to her father’s adamant nature she abstained from expressing her heart. I was quiet sure that she was aware that the same turbulence was abstaining me from saying those three words to her. At last, I made up my mind to leave Kolkata.

Few days after that I left my grandma at my maternal uncle’s house. I was in the office, I received a call from my uncle, and he sounded very upset. From his hello sound, I got the picture clear as crystal in my head, that my grandma was no more in this world. I was unable to move for few minutes. With clenched teeth, I controlled myself. I drove as fast as I can with my snivelled eyes.

On reaching my uncle’s house, I saw my grandma, draped in a milky white cloth, lying on the ground. The whole world shook in front of my eyes. The last straw, who could bind me, was no more with me. I sat beside her; my eyes were burning in agony and frustration. I knew that humans are mortal yet I questioned myself as why she had to leave me. No one dreaded to console me or say anything to me, as everyone knew that I was the apple of her eye. There was no tear in my eyes, only pure black vacuum filled my soul. With clenched teeth I sat there motionless. My blank gaze was riveted on the peaceful sleeping face of my grandma. No noise of the surrounding people was able to enter my ears.

The sun was approaching the west horizon. Debadideb came to me and said that, “Adi, wake up. We have to take away Grandma.” I gave a cold vacuous stare at him. He looked helplessly at his parents and then said to me, “Adi, I am helpless.”
I nodded my head and bent down on her face to kiss her forehead for one last time. Still I was unable to come in terms that she was no more. No more soothing palm to ruffle my hair, no more jiggery and honey, no more mango milkshakes. I felt that all sweetness of my life was taken away.

People came, started to wrap her in cloth, and tied her on a bed. I stood up from her side and looked around. They took away my grandma. With staggering steps I walked towards my bike and started it.

Every pair of snivelled eyes was staring at me, unable to understand as what I was going to do. Even I was not sure as what I was doing.

Debadideb ran towards me and asked, “What are you doing? Are not you coming with us?”

My eyes were dry; I clenched my teeth and said in an ice cold voice, “I do not think that if I go with grandma then she would hug me. I lit my mother’s pyre, when I should be resting on her lap. I won’t be able to stand there and watch my precious being pushed in the electric chimney. Everything is finished for me, Deb. I am tired and I want to go home.”

I did not bother to look behind and ride away from there. The reasons of my sleepless nights kept on increasing.
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